Building Relationships Through Intentional Listening

I was invited to speak to a group of Realtors on a topic that is dear to me - intentional listening. The more I thought about it the more surprised I became about how much there is to listening! Enjoy.

Listen to Yourself
Deep listening to another person is a profound practice. Listening deeply to someone can be enough to dissolve their anger, reveal new options or heal them from a traumatic experience. 

However to listen deeply to someone else means to be aware of your own self-talk, judgements, agenda, feelings, moods and needs. Listen to yourself and pay attention. Self-awareness is essential to hear the other clearly. This will help you self-manage as the conversation progresses.

Listen With Your Ears, Eyes and Feelings
Non-verbal sounds: Deep listening requires you to listen to not just the words being spoken but also to the  tone, rhythm, pitch and volume of their voice. Sighing, holding the breath and pauses are all indicators which can provide you with clues, or questions, to find out what the person really means or wants to express. 

Listen with your eyes: Body language speaks volumes! Use your eyes to listen as you observe how the person gestures, clutches, taps, folds arms, makes their body bigger or smaller.   Watch the eye movements, head tilt and facial expressions as you take in more.

How do you feel? Sometimes you will pick up unexpected feelings when someone is speaking. Pay attention to how you feel as the other is speaking. You may feel sad, angry, upset, joyful or afraid. Endeavor to understand where these feelings are coming from, because they will affect what you hear and how you interpret it. Are you picking up the feelings from the other or are these feelings being triggered by your own experience? For example your client’s voice may be monotone and quiet which could irritate you. Just take note.

S.L.O.T.A.S.A. - Seven Listening Actions To Build Relationships
A relationship is built upon safety, respect and trust. When someone feels listened to they experience respect, trust and relaxation. Your job as a listener is to not only listen but to convey the perception to the speaker that you are listening. A speaker who thinks you are listening naturally feels affinity with you.

• Sit Up: Sitting up gives the listener the sense you are paying attention. 
• Lean Forward: A listener who leans forward sends the message to the speaker “I am interested in what you are saying.”
• Open up your body: An open body sends a signal to the speaker you have an open mind. Consider a smile as an open body position. Folded arms, hunched shoulders, frowns  and clenched fists tend to signal hostility, fear or disagreement. 
• Track the Speaker: Keep eye contact with the speaker. Make sure your body faces the speaker squarely and is not twisted sideways. 
• Active Listening: Use your body to signal to the speaker your feelings about what he is saying. Examples: smile, nod your head, open your mouth in amazement
• Make Sounds: This gives the speaker a strong sense of your emotional involvement in what he is saying. “Oooh”, “Ah-ah”, laughter at the appropriate times etc all send powerful messages that you are with what the speaker is saying.
• Ask Authentic Questions: Ask questions you sincerely want to know the answers to. This can help the speaker clarify her/him self, elaborate more subtly, but most of all feel you are really interested.

Lawrence is available to coach you in all aspects of your life.

---

FREE CONSULTATION